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Game of Thrones is one of my all-time favorite shows. The gorgeous musical score, the intriguing lore, the heartfelt and downright epic scenes, but what is truly the best thing about Game of Thrones is the characters. The deep, likable, well-written, interesting and just downright badass Men and Women that make Martin's world go from good to fandabidozi. But, among these characters, there are some...bad apples that make the world around them a little less enjoyable and far more obnoxious. Enter: Yara fucking Greyjoy, Daughter of Balon Greyjoy, Princess of the castle of Pyke and the Iron Islands themselves, and by far THE most annoying and dislikable character in the show!

I can't really...explain my hatred for Yara Greyjoy. In fact, I wouldn't even call it "hatred". She just pisses me off to a ridiculous degree. She's arrogant, rude, overconfident, sexist, annoying, unkind and, in general, she's just a cunt. "But Contorted" I hear you cry. "Why not make this post about Ramsay, or Joffrey, or even Theon? They're much more dislikable than Yara!" Well, here's the thing, kiddies. Yes, Ramsay and Joffrey were disgusting, terrifying, sadistic, crude and downright insane, but I have a special level of respect for the pair of them because they were well-written characters and characters that were specifically meant to be villains at that. Theon? I have a special spot in my heart for him, alongside Tyrion, Sansa and Jon, characters that were treated awfully and unjustly suffered throughout their lives for no apparent reason. Jon for being a bastard, Tyrion for being a Dwarf and Sansa for surrounding herself with people who took advantage of her, I suppose.

Theon's torment started early. At a young age, an already naive Theon had to deal with the fact that his Brothers were murdered because of his Father's failed rebellion and is then isolated from whatever little amount of family he has left as his Father bends the knee to Eddard Stark. Then, he's raised among another family, a loving family that treated him like a Brother and a Son, something his Father never did. See where I'm going with this? Theon's Father is, albeit not intentionally, the author of his torment. He's the abuser, and Theon is the victim. However, he slowly becomes aware of this growing feeling, this undertone of a sensation, that, despite the absence of his Father, perhaps his life isn't so great. He gets this undermining self-aware revelation that, even though he's surrounded by a loving, caring surrogate family, he's still a prisoner...right? When writing this, it hit me. That's why he's so arrogant. That's why he belittles everybody in the Stark family. He calls Hodor a halfwit, makes fun of Jon for being a bastard, singles out Bran for being a cripple and even goes as far as to laugh in Robb's face when he's told that he has to marry a Frey Girl. Theon feels left out. He feels like he's on the outside looking in and, in a way...he is. There's this really well written moment where Robb and Theon are watching Bran ride on Horseback. Theon, being Theon, brings up the possibility of war. At this point, Robb's Father Eddard has been attacked by Lannister soldiers. Robb essentially tells him to mind his own business because it's "not your house" and Theon seems genuinely upset by it. It's a somewhat well-timed piece of foreshadowing, as Theon goes all Aegon the conquerer in season 2...

Theon spends a lot much time trying to integrate himself into the Stark's lives. He tries to get directly involved with Robb's decision, tries to grow closer to Robb and tries to seem more and more like one of Eddard Stark's own Children, as little as he'd like to admit it. But, throughout the first season, he constantly gets these moments of doubt. These bitter tastes of reality that hit him one by one. Tyrion making fun of him for being a prisoner, Robb telling essentially saying "you're not one of us". But the kicker is when he finally goes home. Bear in mind, at this point, Theon's suffering has been at the hands of his Father, but Theon himself hasn't understood that yet. If you paid attention, you would've seen how happy Theon was to go back home, how excited he was to see his family, how he immediately started acting cocky, bragging and being...well, a brat. This is, once again, Theon wanting to be part of something. He wants to be appreciated and loved. He wants to be important to somebody and he figures he can help Robb's war effort by bringing his Father Balon to the table. In his mind, this is a win-win situation. He's supposedly a big deal on the Iron Islands, so people will treat him like an actual Prince and, after his mission is complete, he'll finally be appreciated within the Stark family. He finally has a chance to relish in some respect for once. But, since its' Game of Thrones, reality hits home...fast. He gets dirty looks from the Ironborn, manipulated by his Sister (Something we'll touch on later), neglected by his Father and all his hopeful expectations come crashing down on him. He is once again thrown into an abyss of loneliness and despair upon the realization that, even in his own home, nobody really wants him around and....trust me. I know how hard that hurts.

Honestly, I'm going a little bit too much into depth here, and some of you may ask "What on Earth does this have to do with Yara?!" Well, here's the thing. That tragic, sad and sympathetic story I've just told you? That's the reason the show gives us for liking Theon. It's why we want to see him succeed. It's why watching him take over Winterfell in a desperate attempt to impress his family and his people was hard, and why watching him get tortured at the hands of Ramsay was even harder. Theon, at heart, is just an unappreciated young Boy who wants to be loved and actually wants a purpose. THAT'S why we're fond of him and that's why the show TREATS HIM like we should be fond of him. Think about how we watched Theon take Winterfell. The show didn't portray it as some monster storming his home, killing the inhabitants and then capturing the castle for himself. It portrayed it as a confused Boy desperately trying to please his Father, being forced to choose between one family and another, searching for a something that would gain him respect and appreciation.

Now, finally, we can talk about Yara. The show, in its' later seasons, treats Yara like it treats Theon. It treats her like a character we're supposed to be invested in, a character we're supposed to like, but...Yara hasn't actually done anything likable or admirable since she was introduced. Let's talk about her first few scenes in season 2. She shows up, tricks her Brother, makes fun of him for falling for it, is downright cruel and unsympathetic towards him when his Father strikes him for LITERALLY no reason, laughs in his face when his Father sends him away to do sloppy, boring chores and then mocks him for trying to impress her. In her final scene in season 2, she tries to be sympathetic, she tries to be kind to Theon and give him some advice, but it falls flat. Why? She doesn't see eye to eye with him. Remember that beautiful, tear-jerking scene where Oberyn told Tyrion the story of when they met as Children, and he explains how he always saw him as not a monster but "just a baby"? That scene worked because the sympathy had respect behind it. Oberyn was talking to Tyrion as his equal, and speaking on the same level as him. Yara's first line in this scene is "you were an awful baby". She talks down to Theon, belittling and disrespecting him, acting as though she's better than him. It's a trope that's rather easy to see with a lot of arrogant characters like her.

In season 3, she's...admittedly better. She only appears in one scene if I recall correctly and it's right at the end of the season, after The Red Wedding and what is considered by the Lannisters to be the end of The War of Five Kings. Ramsay sends a box to Pyke with Theon's genitals inside along with a letter threatening Balon to command his troops to retreat and leave the Northern lands that they have taken, returning to the Iron Islands. Balon is unsympathetic and uncaring towards what has happened to Theon and, in all honestly, Yara doesn't seem to care too much either, but she cares enough to tell Balon that she's going to gather her best Men, her fastest ships, her best weapons and sail on over to the Dreadfort to rescue her Brother. Honestly, at this point? I was smiling! I actually expected Yara and Theon to have a scene where Yara apologized to Theon for how she treated him and Theon apologized to her for not heeding her advice after taking Winterfell, but...*sigh*.

We move onto season 4, where Theon is still held captive by Ramsay and being manipulated and forced to watch him torture and murder his other playthings day in, day out. Then, Yara arrives with her attack force and storms the Dreadfort, making her way to the cells where Theon is being kept. Here, we see how far Theon has decayed into Reek. He's terrified, traumatized, even, at the notion of being saved. Not because he's afraid of Yara, but because he's afraid of what Ramsay might do to him should he betray him and I can't help but feel as though a little bit of his fear comes from how he felt before he became Reek. Remember, Theon is still in there somewhere. That lonely, confused Child that wants nothing more than to be appreciated is still tucked away inside. He's recognized, at this point, that his Father is downright abusive and his Sister is nothing but cruel. He may be scared of Ramsay, but he's also scared of going home. He's scared of revisiting and confronting that feeling of neglection and rejection that made him feel so isolated. So, how does Yara deal with his trauma? She tries to yank him out of the cage and starts yelling in his face. I really can't blame her, as she was in the middle of a siege. However, it's what she says when she leaves that really bugs me. Ramsay comes in all punisher-style with his shirt off and scares whatever is left of the attack force away with his Dogs. So, Yara backs down and retreats, telling her Men "My Brother is dead" when asked where Theon was. This is...honestly one of the moments where I really started disliking Yara. A lot of Theon's trauma, and a lot of the reason that he makes those stupid decisions, comes from Yara. Comes from her disrespect and mistreatment of him. It comes from the fact that she doesn't appreciate him and more or less treats him like shit and dumbass Yara over here is completely oblivious, telling her Men that he's "dead" because she believes that he's no longer Theon, without realizing or even considering the idea that she played a part in his downfall...

The next time we see Yara is in season 6 and things only get worse from here. The first scene she's in doesn't really...mention Theon that much, but she gets some heat from her Dad and he suggests that her going after Theon was stupid, which, in a way, it was, and she responds by saying she's not sorry for trying to save her Brother which I can't really comment on. It's good that she's supporting her Brother but she seems to be doing more harm than good. In the next scene she's in, Balon has been killed by his Brother Euron Greyjoy and Theon has finally returned home to Pyke after all this time away, having escaped Ramsay and the Boltons. What's the first thing she does when she sees her Brother? She GUILT TRIPS him. She says that's he's a spoiled, inconsiderate brat and essentially tells him that the deaths of those soldiers are on his shoulder. She is completely inconsiderate and insensitive of what Theon has been through and the state he was in when she tried to save him. She shows him no empathy whatsoever and, once again, treats him with utter disrespect and rudeness, to the point of making him fucking CRY. All that stuff that happened to him? Evidently, she doesn't care. After all this time, and everything he's been through, the first thing she does is YELL at him. Jesus, I take back what I said before. I fucking hate Yara.

The next few scenes with Yara and Theon are pretty standard. Essentially, they hold a kingsmoot and Theon speaks on behalf of Yara, then Euron shows up and basically steals the show, threatens to kill Yara and Theon, so they pack up all their shit and run, which I suppose makes sense. The next scene they're in, they're resting at a tavern or something, and here we finally see some genuine concern from Yara. She expresses her worry and discontent that Theon spends his days cowering like a beaten Dog and tells him that his abusers can't hurt him anymore, which I suppose is a genuine moment of comfort coming from her. But, at this point, it's sort of overshadowed by all the abuse that Yara has flung at Theon over the years...

Yara is a textbook example of characters that writers want us to like that are just...awful. She's abusive, plain and simple. She belittles her Brother, guilt trips him, constantly makes herself seem bigger than he is, all for no apparent reason. The only reason the show gives us for liking Yara is that one scene where she shows a tiny bit of concern for what Theon's been through. Other than that, her only redeemable quality is the fact she's a lesbian and a good fighter. That's...it. Being a poster-Girl for feminism and the LGBT+ community doesn't make her a good character. Also, for the record, Euron didn't "take" the salt throne from Yara. She lost. Fair and square. The show constantly treats Yara like Tormund or Podrick, Jaqen H'Ghar or Gendry. A side character, assisting in a major character's arc, that we're supposed to become attached to and "like". But, the problem is, Yara isn't likable. You can't have a protagonist that's meant to be "the hero" and then make him the biggest twat on the planet. You can't have an antagonist that's supposed to be "the villain" and then make him Markiplier. Yara's biggest flaw is that she just...does not fit the mold that her character was created to fill. She isn't a likable character. She's not a character people are going to be readily invested in. Why? Because she's an arrogant, cruel, unkind, unsympathetic, oblivious, disrespectful, unappreciative, abusive CUNT.

Rant over...